Speak Norn Iron

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[ Activities ]
everyday and otherwise

This section will help you with everyday activities. If you don't know what everyday activities are, that's ok, we will show you how to do them!
Most people in Northern Ireland use, at most, 5 different types of "shaps".

These are:

The Butchers - for sausages and various meats
The Corner Shop - for bread, milk, etc
The Chip Shop - for dinner
The Police Station - for enquiries and various things
The Library - for the acquisition of books

Rarely will Northern Irish folk use other types of "shap".
Bars are not included on the list, as there is at least two on every street anyway.

Below is a picture of a typical Northern Irish community. It is based on the infamous Ballyborin. In Ballyborin there is 5 shops. Their names are in Northern Irish, and what you have to do is match up the proper English to the Northern Irish.

Award yourself one point for each correct answer. Answers are at the bottom of the page.

If you scored 5: Wow! You are really good at this! There is a future for you and your talent!

If you scored 4: Not as good as above, but a few hours practice might get that extra point. Well Done!

If you scored 3: Quite good. Not bad. Not brilliant.

If you scored 2: Real hard work needs to be done if you are to continue learning Northern Irish. And sharpish too.

If you scored 1: I'm afraid we have no time for time wasters. If you are not going to bother learning, we don't need people like you holding back the folk with natural talent.

Now that you can find shops for yourself, lets move on to using them.

Go into the chipper and wait in the queue and the sweltering heat. A local from behind the counter will say something like:

"Bout Ye....Waat cana git ye?"

You'd better reply at this point:

"A Chip Buttie."

Then you will hear the true nature of the local:

"Sawndra!! Anoller chibuddy fer yer mawn ler."

All you have to do now is try to bear the heat and pay when your food is presented to you. Your Chip Maid will now douse your chips with vinegar, and a heart attacks worth of salt. The chips will be so hot, the vinegar immediately turns to steam. This steam may cause permanent blindness, so leave as soon as you can.


Lybree - The Library
Buttchurz - The Butchers
Shap - The Corner Shop
Chipper - The Chip Shop
Cap Shap - The Police Station






Keep Checking Back for updates!


Case Study

The History of Ballyborin

Ballyborin was founded in 1983, as an extra town with "Bally.." in its name would have gotten Northern Ireland into the Guinness Book of Records for having the most "Ballys" in the world.

In 1986 some shops had to be built, as NI was disqualified from the record books for constructing a town solely for record breaking purposes. In order for it to constitute the award, it had to have a population, trade and an antiques shop.

Civilians were drafted in for the period of 4 years that was needed for the record to be broken.

Some residents. Working hard to ensure success.


By 1990, none of the residents wanted to leave their record breaking haven and stayed on to ensure that their town wouldn't end up as a shopping centre.

Unfortunately, in 1997, a large High Street chain bought Ballyborin and it is now one of the biggest Shopping Malls in Ireland.



Copyright Speak Norn Iron 2004

To use this site, a sense of humour is needed. If you feel you do not have a sense of humour, then you might be able to download one here. Results not guaranteed. All pictures are property of their respective owners, except all original pictures which are owned by me. All text is property of Speak Norn Iron and may NOT be reproduced, in whole or in part, without prior written consent. Remember this site is just a laugh. It's meant to be fun. And please keep all old fashioned and bigoted remarks to yourself. Please do not e-mail me with "oh, I can't believe you left "craic" out of your dictionary, how could you?" Craic is not in the dictionary as you'll find it on any page relating to NI. I'm trying to be original here ya know! Stop reading this wee bit 'o' crap and go buy a T-Shirt. Phone the radio stations, phone the papers, tell everyone!